I love to judge. And, I’m good at it.
It comes naturally.
What can I possibly say, but:
Yes,Your Honour, guilty as charged!
I suspect there’s a reason for this over-developed Judge Judy complex.
But, in the meantime I will size you up, suss you out, diagnose and define you.
Boldly make assumptions until I am counsel, judge and jury, busily ticking off the corresponding box to someone’s life category and pigeon-holing them as far away from compassion as possible.
And, that’s not fair. That’s not just. There has to be a better law.
At the root of feeling “Not Good Enough” is a very harsh truth:
Because we are the hardest on ourselves, we can be extremely hard on others.
Don’t believe me? Allow me to explain.
At times, people who wrestle with “not good enough” hold themselves up to very high standards - often impossible standards.
I am drawn like a moth to an open flame to the things I am convinced I haven’t accomplished but believe I should have and, repelled like a bug in a puff of insect killer by all the possible good and noble things I am or have done.
It’s strange. Even my good is“not good enough”. Where is the pleasure in that?
Nowhere to be found.
I judge the things about myself that I cannot change such as, the pigment of my skin, my lack of high cheekbones or my natural proclivities.
I’m never going to be an Olympic gold medalist in the 100m sprint – I just wasn’t built for it.
(Though, at times I seem strategically designed for chocolate-eating and couch-surfing. Yeah…I’m somewhat proud of that).
Neither am I going to win the Noble Prize for String theory – my mind doesn’t work like that of an abstract thinking physicist.
But, it can remember an incredible roster of celebrity gossip (and, no - I'm not proud of that!).
I was made for something else. But, most days that is unacceptable.
The idea that I haven’t been up to snuff is stuck on some annoying replay and, I spend valuable time berating myself and wallowing in self-imposed misery.
I choose to totally ignore what I could rather have been gloriously made for!
Being unable to understand and acknowledge my limitations with a measure of grace inevitably spills into being unable to accept the limitations of others.
It’s so subtle…
That I almost missed this whisper of a connection.
Court will continue its session in Part 2 of Judge Judgie McJudgerton.
You can catch that case file here.
by Priya Devalia
Copyright ©PRIYA H. DEVALIA 2013 All rights reserved